QUESTIONS EVERYONE SHOULD ASK THEMSELVES

1. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
2. Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
3. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
4. Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent" press?
5. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
6. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
7. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
8. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
9. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
10. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
13. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
14. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
15. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
16. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
17. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
18. If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
19. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
20. If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
21. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
22. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
23. Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
24. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
25. Is stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
26. What disease did cured ham actually have?
27. What is the speed of darkness?
28. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
29. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass."
30.Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
31. Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
32. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
33. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
34. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
35. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
36. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
37. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
38. Why do we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
39. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
40. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
41. Why does "monosyllable" have five syllables in it?
42. Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh crap - I could be eating a slow learner."
43. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
44. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
45. Why does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing those two songs?
46. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
47. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
48. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
49. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
50. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery!"?
51. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
52. Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
53. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
54. Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?
55. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
56.Why is what doctors do called "practice"?
57. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
58. You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

* FEEL FREE TO TRY AND ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS *